My Fear

At the fifth ave, I stand motionless in the middle of the stage, desperately hoping that any second I will recognize the music playing and remember the dance that goes with it. I know I have been going to class for at least a few months, but I can't put together any choreography, and when I move my body doesn't remember either.

Backstage I watch a horde of tiny children dressed in matching adidas sweatsuits do some rather impressive ballet. Their parents soon join them onstage and dance with them, just barely holding hands because the children are so small. I start crying and am embarassed when Sarah laughs at me.

Now I am on stage, as a part of the Company. We are about to perform the Sting, but first we must exchange gifts. Sarah starts by announcing her gift to Laura, then Laura announces her gift to Amanda, then Amanda presents me with tickets to all of the upcoming buffets. I am silent for a while, and finally announce to the waiting audience, "and I have nothing to give, because I didn't know". Everyone acts embarrassed, and I feel ashamed

My Houses

My parents are on vacation, and the babysitter has plotted to let some burglars into our house, who will kidnap me and my twin brother. I hear her talking to the men as she lets them into the house, so I run upstairs to hide while my brother runs to the basement. I think they capture him, but I climb out of the upstairs window and run though my neighbor's backward in my pink nightgown. I ring their doorbell frantically, but the men pull up in the driveway. I sprint across the street to my other neighbor's house, yelling, hoping someone in the neighborhood will hear me. As I run up to the door a man opens it and I run inside. With a chill, I realize the man is not my neighbor, but a cohort of the crooks.

I crouch in the my neighbor's kitchen, which is now much older with a wood stove and dirty pink linoleum floors. I know it is useless hiding here.

My parents hug me and as we walk back to (not) our house. They press the garage door opener and the walls roll up, revealing a gigantic well-stocked beverage refrigerator, like the kind in the grocery store where the shelves are tilted so the bottles slide forward. My sister lounges on top of the bottles on the top shelf, a little cramped under the roof of the machine. She welcomes me back and casually asks if I am going to stay away for a while this time. I hadn't thought of that, but now I remember that sometimes after an Ordeal, children will stay away from home for a while, having earned a vacation. This sounds like an excellent idea to me, so I climb up into the refrigerator, the heels of my striped Fluevogs slipping on the plastic bottle caps, wedge myself underneath a ceiling beam and into the other side of the refrigerator, and slide down and out for the house.

Kathryn and I drive along a freeway towards Canada. We approach a bridge spanning a ravine, and somehow get in the wrong lane so that we hurtle at a rapid speed down a small river in the center of the bridge, and down into a tunnel in the face of the cliff.

Somehow we survive, and pull up in the line to cross the border. The wait is going to be a long time, so we decide to get out the car and use the bathroom and a Chuck E. Cheese/cruise ship we can see on the a nearby forested hill, but I think it might be in Canada, and I worry that we won't be allowed back to the car without our birth certificates. Kathryn isn't concerned, so we continue on.
There are more people with us now, like Anna, Kellen, and Lindy, and as I wait for them outside of the bathroom, I critique the wall in front of me that I see as somehow more generic than any other wall I have seen. It is coated in plastic, and has perforated outlines where one might punch out an extra doorway of needed. I scoff at the Chuck E. Cheese/cruise line for only having used one of the five possible doorways.

We go back to the car, which is now a school bus that we live in. Somehow it is turned around facing the other direction, but everyone else is convinced that Canada is that way anyway.

Man, I am a terrible host

Kory takes our class on a field trip to show us the three "principles of dance":

Number one is a fake scepter placed on a velour cushion. I lead the group up to the porch of the cabin to look at the scepter, but everyone crowds behind me so I pass by quickly.

Number two is one of those poles you slide down on a big toy, with a curved top. When I approach I give Kory a skeptical look, and he sighs and says, "Envision a flagpole!" So it's a curved flagpole... I kind of get it.

Number three is a station wagon on a platform perched on top of a large pole. This one I just don't get. When we look questioningly at Kory he uses a remote control to tilt the station wagon; something spills out. We tell him to stop, the car is about to fall off. He tilts it again, and several small objects spill out and clatter to the ground like pop cans. The car slowly topples off, and we all run and take cover in great fear of the small objects inside the car (beetles?). I hide in the big toy for an unnecessarily long time. When I come out my mom is frosting cookies on the porch of the cabin. I help for a while, frosting some bundt cake from a paper sack filled with blue frosting.

I walk around the corner of the cabin to find myself on the playground at Shorewood. Kyra, some other familiar friends, and I take turns on the slide. As we slide, I ask Kyra questions about her upcoming surgery. She is optimistic.

I have some assignment that I'm late finishing for school, so I decide to go early to work on it. I walk down the Burke-Gilman trail and end up on Lake Union under I-5. Alex is there, and I stop to talk to him, and then I continue on, now wading through the water. When I pass under the University Bridge and arrive at my my desired destination, and start to climb up the bank to get out of the water. Too late, I notice the muddy structures around me moving- they are trolls! No one ever told me there were University trolls! They seem to jsut be waking up from a nap, so I hope that if I climb quickly they won't notice me. Then my shoe gets stuck in a hole in the wall, and when I turn I see another troll climbing out of the water after me, a dead fish in its mouth. I consider screaming, but decide against it.

On land I find my way to a designated study area, which is a small patch of grass next to the Burke-Gilman where about nine people already lay in a grid formation. When I get there I feel sleepy, so the natural thing to do is lay down. I wedge myself in an empty slot and arrange my stacks of books around me. Chris, a guy from Solstice who always orders "short americans" is there, telling a friend that he is in my French class as well as in another girl's senior seminar. This is not true, and it frustrates me, so I leave.

Back in my apartment, I am just waking up from a nap, when I become aware of a giant plasm television on the wall next to my bed. My eyes are closed, but I can see the colors from it on the insides of my eyelids. I can also hear that my mom and another family member or two are in the room. Listening to the program, it is a news interview. I hear "University of Washington Track", "New Zealand", and "Vinh". I realize they are about to interview my friend from my tea class, and I roll over and try to open my eyes to see the TV, saying groggily, "Hey, it's my track star! That's my friend!", which comes out as an incomprehensible mumble.
My eyes will not open. I focus all my energy on opening my eyes, but all that happens is I can see some very blurry outlines. Urgently I pry my eyelids open with my fingers, but I still cannot see. I let go and my eyes fall shut. Feeling as though I am on drugs, I sit up with difficulty in front of the mirror and try to open my eyes again. I suspect that the lids are actually opening, but my vision does not work.

Later, as I walk down the path to Shorewood Beach with a number of people I tell them about the incident over and over again.


Then Courtney and Kris had sex. This was not surprising to me, but Andrea was really concerned about it, especially that Beth would find out, so she devised a complex plan to drug all of our friends and somehow hypnotize them to forget about it. She invited all of the Academy 4.0s over to my house and prepared several dips that would cause everyone to fall asleep. There were also small, crescent-shaped pieces of sheet metal that she fed to the guests after they fell alseep for some reason.
The problem was that everyone arrived at different times, so we had to move the party out onto the patio, and then Megan Su wanted to make her own guacamole, and Andrea almost flipped out. I tried to pull her aside and tell her that maybe this wasn't worth it, and ask what the pieces of sheet metal were for, because they seemed really dangerous for someone to be consuming. Andrea didn't pay attention and told me to go feed more dip to the sleeping peole upstairs while she helped Megan make a new dip.

Don't Think Too Much

The beginning of a new semester. I have been placed in a drama class packed with stupid people, taught by (God help us) Mr. Bennet. Fed up with his inneffective teaching, I spy a blue mat that is slanted to provide a very nice slide. I crawl towards it, finding that the floor is slanted in tiers, like a very steep ramp, or an auditorium. I have difficulty making my way up it, elbowing people aside. They begin to follow me, seeing that the slide looks like fun.
Justin Prentice pokes his head out of a side door. He beckons to me, knowing that I want to get out of this place, away from these lemmings. I let them all pass me, then slip through the door.
It is an attic-like room. It is dusty and crowded with the sort of things people can't bear to give away, but can no longer keep in their living space. A rocking horse, faded photographs, old linens. Justin, Cynthia and I gather ourselves for a few minutes, then decide to slip out the window and away.
The window is narrow, but I slip out sideways and crouch unsteadily on the roof. Below is a guard, meant to keep the students confined. I bearwalk along the slanted roof to the opposite end, where the guard can no longer see me. I lower myself from the gutter, past a kitchen window, where I can hear the cooks chatting busily, and onto the ground. Sneaking over green grass and gravel roads, I head up the mountain.

Having found what I needed on top of the mountain, I fashion a bobsled out of a garbage can and slide back down, shooting past the camp where I was held captive (I hope Justin and Cynthia made it out) and into the forest.

I find myself in a sort of desert-designed cluster of bulidings, all concrete and whitewashed. Someone leads tours of the complex while the sun sets over a wasteland. We see the piping laid for an external shower system, or perhaps a watery playground. It looks like fun.
We enter a testing building, the inside of which is dusyy and dim. The decor is primitive - a dirt floor, crude wooden counters and shelves. Here, a myriad of rats are held in small cages. I was not there long, as I found it extremely cruel, but I remember that one very large and vicious white rat was put in a cage with a number of smaller, brown rats. It killed many of them, while sparing a choice few.

I head for the exit of the compound in disgust. A moon has risen in a dusky sky. The buildings are still lit with a rosy glow from the west. As I walk past the open door of a classroom, the professor calls me in. He says, "Miss, maybe you can help us solve these questions." I hesitate, as the symbols on the board mean absolutely nothing to me. But he seems adamant, so I seat myself, all thirty eyes of the class on me.
I set to work on the first problem, recognizing a few concepts from calculus, but soon I am stumped. He writes the second question on the board:

"Am I afraid of Industrialism? Or am I afraid of Priests?"

Priests came before industrialism, so obviously one is more scared of them. But that makes no sense.

I give up, confused and humiliated. I am not their calculus saviour. In the back of the class, I seat myself to the brother of an old friend of mine. He is now fat, smelly and creepy. He asks me invasive questions, I make my excuses and leave hurriedly.

I'm magical!

It is world history AP and I'm in Ms. Oglesby's class once again with some of my new college peers. Class begins with a queue, a strange experience for a desk loving creature. We are instructed to focus our energies at The Stone. I am very short so it takes me a while to see what The Stone appears to be. It is a light blue fleck of mineral, and occasionally when a student approaches it emits a pulse of a more intense blue. The students producing such reactions were awarded oohs and ahhs by both classmates and teacher alike. Finally it is my turn and I really have no idea what it is I'm doing, but it appears very mystical so I begin to think "mystically." I suppose it worked because when I opened my eyes the classroom was in awe and the stone was emitting the most pure blue ever conceived of in that shaky construct "reality."

Ms. Oglesby ushers me out of the class and tells me to come back later that night. When I do come back, she takes me down to the basement, which curiously isn't a basement, it's another floor filled with classrooms. Inside an empty classroom there is a curious group of people, appearing quite random. I see my friend Chris from Existentialism 270, apparently he produced a reaction in the stone too, but I'm sure it was nothing like mine. The Stone we were shown in class was but a fragment of an even larger, more powerful stone, towards which we were now to line up in a spiral and individually focus our energies. The Bigger Stone is now palm sized. The line begins and I am at the end. Suddenly The Bigger Stone morphs into a pyramid, it is about my height, with a polar bear head for the top triangular cap. This head glows bright blue when students approach. Chris goes to focus his energies, but instead something goes wrong and he ends up hugging the pyramid and yelling, "It's mine! It's mine!" The adults take him away and I head forward. I focus my energies (still not knowing what this means exactly) towards the stone, and suddenly I am at once grounded - feeling as if light and blueness and electricity are flowing through my body, and floating high above the earth - through the air over a city, at times like Spokane and at times like Las Vegas.

Finding spirit animals in the funhouse

In a seaside fort, all campsters were expected to travel trails with three peanuts and a needle as a guide, and kill, cook, and eat small forest animals for dinner and most importantly "bond" as camp units. I did not agree with this process and so I escaped, flying into the trees as would a squirrell, except I wasn't a squirrell, I was a Native American girl, and I soon found myself on a deck, watching a Native American dance. An old woman was doing a whirlwind of a dance with motes of light were following her skirts. Apparently she was to choose someone to train, and she was looking directly at me. There was a crowd of children around her, hoping to be chosen, but she dissappeared with the statement, "you must follow me first." I spent a lot of time exploring the caves and shores near the sea, sometimes I saw her in front of me, smiling.

My father and a beautiful red dog appeared on the beach. This dog was the most friendly creature I have ever met in a dream world, and while I was playing with the dog, the setting changed. The dog and I are in a run down building which will not let us out. We are happy enough with the haunted place and we proceed to play around with its ever-moving doors.

Imagination

A fraternity was giving away free pizza on the 15th. I had already had a slice of cheese, so I went back for a second: cinnamon pecan.

I found Kris waiting at a bus stop, and he asked me to explain things, so I started talking. The 74 came and stopped; I wondered if he was going to get on. Then I figured he must have been waiting for the 71, 72, or 73, but he was standing on the wrong side of the street. Finally we got on the 74 and it turned around and took us over the University Bridge.

Then we were walking along a sort of cement tunnel on the east edge of Lake Union. It was very narrow, so Kris walked in front of me. The right side was open to the lake, which was actually just a vast blue expanse of water, and part of the path was submerged, so that every step I took with my right foot made a gentle splash. I talked the whole way trying to sort out a confusing series of events, and Kris just kept walking until we suddenly reached a graffitied wall. He stopped to suddenly that I nearly stepped off the path into the water, but when I looked down the water churned viciously, and it was clear enough that I could tell there was no bottom.

In the Burien Fred Meyer, my mom and I shop for food for our vacation. There are stacks of chocolate cake, and we try to pick out the best one for my dad's birthday.

I stand with Rebecca and Evan in a neutrally carpeted lobby, waiting for the schedule for the undergraduate research symposium to be posted. Rebecca and Evan move to the other side to see if a group of Acads know where to go, and meanwhile, a suited man with a nametag and radio comes up to me and ushers me through the nearest set of double doors and into a small auditorium, insisting that there is no late seating.
Annoyed that I might be missing other good presentations I sit on the left side, near the front. The lights dim and a curly-haired girl stands at a podium on the right side of the stage as a screen lowers behind her. The film starts, and all I know from the program is that her research had to do with psychological/emotional reactions to music. For about two minutes it plays a rapid series of film clips accompanied by music. I don't remember what they contained, but I remember mainly blue, some green and white, and the charge I felt from the music. I think I at one point I was laughing and crying for a reason I couldn't fathom. The film ends and the girl says, "Thank you". Everyone waits for her to say more about her results and conclusion, and finally the symposium official comes up and whispers to her, but she shakes her head and leaves the stage.

There is a pause while the next student sets up, and I turn around and see Evan and Rebecca sitting behind me. I ask if they felt the same thing, but lights start to dim. The next presentation is by a friendly Indian guy, on "Imagination". His film starts with a scene in a cobblestone alleyway with high stone walls on either side, and it quickly envelops me.
I am a young boy, sent by his guardians to start at a school on this street. I walk up to the gate of the correct address and pause. I know this is a test when I look to my right down the alley, and past a certain archway the scene shimmers and changes to a different street. I'm not scared, and I look through the gate and ring the bell. The scene past the gate shimmers and changes, and a wizard-like man appears about two feet in front of me. We stare at each other for a while, and finally he lets me in. Other boys in orange robes peer suspiciously out the the barred windows, and one sets a rosebush on fire right next to me.
The wizard leads me through a cold stone hallway, and up and wide, orange-lit winding staircase with very tiny steps. When we reach the top the stair continue, only tilted so that it formed a corrugated horizontal plane. (Like this: /\/\/\/\/\/\). I try to walk on it, but the wizard open a door that I already passed and motions me through.

At this point I recount everything that happened in my dream previous to meeting Kris, including the events I tried explaining to him, (none of which I remember now). Then I start over from the beginning of the "Imagination" sequence, narrating it myself, while trying to follow along as best I can in my actions.

"He approached the impressive stone building..." (I turn to the right and read the plaque in the doorway of the building.)
"...No, these architects didn't mark the date of construction of the building..."
(There is a long list of roman numerals on the plaque)
"They marked the time of the accident... when the workers drowned... to harness the power of water in the walls of the school..." (It's getting harder to make sense of my narration, and finally I figure out that I'm supposed to be contemplating the wizard school across the street. I let myself in the gate, hoping I won't have enough time to make up more nonsense narration, and enter the building. I realize as a walk though rooms that change that I am waking up, and it's harder for my conscious mind to make up scenarios that will be as interesting for my active dream self as my unconscious mind could.
The thing I remember as I contemplated this was standing in a room where one wall was made of tall, sharp-edged irregular stone pillars spaced about six inches apart. A violent blue light shone through the gaps, but there was a rock garden on the other side.
I finally figured out that this was the Indian guy's test of Imagination.

Last night work was stressful

There is a line out the door at Solstice and some small bitchy woman gives very specific, nonsensical instructions for her drink. She ends up coming behind the counter, and after a few minutes of bitching, she tamps some cinnamon and cocoa in with the espresso, and instructs me to steam more cinnamon in the milk.
Meanwhile, Emily is calling out a new order every ten seconds, and I get confused and pull the shots into a mug of water, and then steam the water. I realize my mistake and try to find the woman to remake her shots, but give up and move on to the next drink. I make more mistakes, and then can't remember how the espresso machine works.

Behind-the-Scenes at Disneyland

I leave my mother in the café-urbanoutfitters, because her coffee is taking too long. Exiting through the sliding doors, I peruse the touristy street for other food options. Here is a hot dog and burrito stand. Across the street is a ritzy bistro with nothing under $13. On the corner I spy a lobster house, advertising their fantastic milkshakes.
None of these appeal to me, so I continue on, towards the museum. I pass though the backyards of several small houses, an apartment complex, and a church. I descend some stairs to an observatory. Inside, there are some plaques and some looking-glasses, but everything costs money to see. I exit again.
Going back up the stairs, I meet my mother and sister. We move onto a concrete platform to the water's edge. I climb the edge and stare out to sea, as do many other people. The ocean churns violently, crashing around the spiky rocks to splash those of us on the edge. I am tempted to dive into the water, but it is a diseased green-brown, and I know I will be dashed to pieces on the rocks.
Slightly out from shore, columns of rock rise from the sea, reminding me of the Statue of Liberty's crown, or the Rudolph movie's set. They form a nearly impenetrable wall between us and the open ocean, but beyond them I catch a short glimpse of a hugegreen, half-submerged statue of a woman. This is the spot that is so famous in this town, but I am pushed from the ledge before I can fully appreciate its beauty.

Later, we enter a bustling metropolis. Trying to reach the main shopping center, we find ourselves in a monstrous and empty Nordstrom. They are still working on taking down their christmas decorations. The building is very elegant, composed of high-arched ceilings, marble floors and pillars. We tramp down an echoing hallway to a room with a dark, wooden stage. Security here thinks we are coming to audition, and they press-gang us into a line of drama members. We escape through a dusty, dark white room, and hightail it back to where we parked our car. We speed onto the highway and try to figure out the best way around the mountain and home again.

Not Birds

An unknown teacher shows us diagrams of the different ways bees reproduce. The girls sit attentively in the dim light, while the boys giggle to themselves as they rip the legs off of spicy ants.

Seemingly Mundane

I park the car in front of a large trailer next to a strange building at night. I follow a stream of people into the building.

The band is taking part in a district-wide concert, in which all the high-school bands will play the same song. We are setting up our instruments in the practice room as the streetlights shine in through the tall and narrow windows. Mr. Fosberg, being his normal crotchety self, tells us we're all sitting in the wrong places. He moves the horn section to sit behind him, facing the rest of the band. We are joined by Bertha, a lower band member, and Philip Van Wyk. I try to tell him that he should be in the clarinet section, but he won't listen to me. Bertha pulls up a chair between Matt and Sarah, and I am insulted because with the addition of Philip it makes me look like fifth chair. I want to tell her to go sit on the other side of Cindy, but decide to let her enjoy her moments in our prestigious section, as it's likely to be the only chance she'll get.

Foz tells me and a few other people to go ask the organizer of the event when she wants us onstage. I exit through a side door, which opens onto the backstage area. I am dwarfed by the monstrous set pieces and heavy hanging curtains.

I approach a short, squat woman with a commanding voice. She tells me that before she can answer my question, I have to go tell the people in the booth that they missed Daylight Savings Time and they should turn their clock back an hour. We need the extra time to finish setting up.

I am led to the booth through a series of metal hallways by a black-clad tech. A small child trails after us. The tech motions me through a door into a cavern-like area behind the auditorium and underneath the booth. The child is afraid and latches onto my leg. As we proceed over paths of metal grating, I sense movement from the side. Pastor Ann (who is almost legally blind) stands and says "It's nice that Kathryn was able to bring her sister along." The child clearly is not my sister, but I decide to not say anything, because Ann lives in this cave and is therefore blind. We continue.

The tech leaves us at a playground to wait for the people in the booth to see us, where we are joined by several more small children (my cousins), Jenny, and a young man (who auditioned after me on Friday). It suddenly becomes imperative that we keep the infant entertained, because if she cries then the entire performance, happening on the other side of the wall, is ruined. To do this, we scale the wooden jungle gym and hand the baby from one person to another, higher one higher than the last. We reach the top, and the construction grows more to accommodate our efforts. The growth is, however, much too sparse, and we cannot climb any higher. We panic to find a way to keep the child quiet, but before we can solve the problem, the concert is over. We collapse to the ground in relief. Keeping an infant quiet is harder than it looks.


A separate dream, but not, we are two warring factions. I have amassed an army of real and imaginary animals to combat the Kingdom of Ice. We enter the practice room where Mr. Fosberg stood not long ago, and the opposing sides bristle at each other as I try frantically to make them listen to me. My side will be decimated, though, because it appears that our King and Queen have been drugged. The Ice King laughs as we rush to their sides. A mountain lion with a large sled tied to its back tries to haul them out of harms way, but a mountain lion is not designed to pull things, and our woozy and effervescent rulers giggle as they are towed awkwardly out the door. We are dismayed.

Zombies!

I ride my bike up a giant spiral ramp in the mall-like east end of the Art building. I stop near the top, where some of my future classmates stop at an espresso stand. As I stand there the bike almost rolls off the edge of the ramp, as it has no guardrail, but I keep my balance and ride forward. I have difficulty turning the pedals over to the proper side, because it hurts to kick them in bare feet.

Later, I have to get out of the Art building because zombies have started invading. The basement has partially collapsed and become a cramped, uneven tunnel. I run into Eric from Solstice and point him in the direction of the exit, but I continue deeper into the depths of the building. For some reason I have to get back to the east end, although I know there are many zombies there. I take the elevator to the first floor and find someone I recognize. Together we push open the colossal wooden doors to the Church that has taken the place of the library. A zombie plays the organ at the opposite end of the hall, and many others wander about hissing dumbly.

Outside in the Quad the sun sets as I walk along the path, surrounded by people I should know. They are all dressed in black to play capture the flag, and run about to tag the zombies surrounding us. I try to tell them how stupid this is, and not to look them in the eyes, but as I watch Gracie come face-to-face with a zombie, and in the dusk her eyes begin to glow red out of a darkened face. In my peripheral vision I see more red dots start to glow in the darnkness. I go back the way I came, realizing I any attempt to save another of my friends would be useless. I take a right by the Music building, but stop near a blooming cherry tree as several of my shadowy, red-eyed friends surround me. I climb into the tree and try to leap off of one of the branches and take off flying in mid-air, but apparently my flying capabilities are limited to slowly floating upward from an immobile position on the ground. I quickly get up and face the crowd with diverted eyes, but this time in my peripheral vision they brighten. I look up and can distinguish the faces of Josh Morris, Brian Le, and others. I thought it was already night, but when I look at the sky I see there was just a cloudy sunset, and a little bit of day is still left, but the threadbare blanket of clouds is about to cover the horizon again. I run.

I come to a deserted highrise building in the center of town with my friend. There is no sign of life, human or zombie, just many, many pigeons. We decide the highrise is the safest place to stay because zombies can't climb stairs (or something), and all of the panic-crazed humans fled long ago. We decide to climb up the outside of the building just to be safe.

Quietly we climb past ten or more of the paritally destroyed first stories, deciding we need to get higher to feel safe. We decide the next one would be acceptable, but as we haul ourselves up to the balcony railing we hear voices. We cling to the egde and carefully peer over. There are two giant, fluffy, talking cats living in the apartment. The grey one sits in a patio chair reading a newspaper and sipping coffee. The orange one (the wife) asks her husband if he would like anymore lemonade to finish his breakfast. She walks out of the kitchen (upright), holding a pitcher of lemonade.
In a whisper I tell my shocked friend that when all of the humans left town or turned into zombies the cats must have taken over, because zombies don't care about cats. Without the repression and all of the hormones from eating human food they must have grown into more human-like creatures and taken over our lives. While they might be able to protect us, I reason that they are probably more likely to kill us to prevent us from attracting the destructive zombies, and because of their longheld hatred for the opressive masters.

Carefully, we climb upward, past three more stories of cat families until we reach the very top, deserted floor. We will have to be quiet, but there is enough food to sustain us for a little while. Just there is a massive crashing as the building collapses below us. Only our apartment survives destruction, and now sits on top of a giant pile of rubble. I think of all the dead giant cats underneath us. I don't have long to think as the door to the balcony crashes open and a horde of wild-eyed men and women rush across a bridge of rubble into the apartment. The man in front, dressed in a voilently colorful floral shit has his hands outstretched to strangle me.

No more hoops for me

I sit in on a lecture Ms. Kestle gives to the IB English class in Meany Stdio 267 about how difficult writing essays will be in college. She looks to me to affirm her claims but I just say, "Sure... if you want to believe that," because my essays are obviously shit and I do alright. Bored with her class I walk down the hall to talk to my dance teacher, Kory, and another instructor, Jurg. Just then class is dismissed and Mr. Fosberg asks me to guide everyone to the cheap food.

I take a group of some boys and a girl to the Hub, but since we come in through Allen Library we end up in a small three-story house that has been converted entirely into a Christmas display. It is terrifying. There are nutcrackers and elves and fake snow everywhere. We eventually find our way out and into the bathroom. I have to pee, but Mr. Fosberg yells that class is starting.

We all file out through another door, which leads to an outdoor pool. This is supposed to be Kathryn's family reunion, but Mr. Lerwick is ruining it and teaching gym class instead. We all pair up and wade grumpily into the pool. Then Mr. Lerwick gives us a long patronizing talk about how we've all been slacking, as we tread water, steadily becoming exhaused. Finally he gives us instructions for one partner to stand on the edge of the pool with other other in the water. The exercise involves the partner on the side gently tossing a piece of Styrofoam in the shape of a triangular prism (like something i keep having to draw for art) at the partner in the water, who is equipped with a hula hoop and a giant floating Q-tip. There is also a specific procedure for throwing the Styrofoam back to the side that I pretend to understand until Mr. Lerwick turns his back and leaves.

I get out of the pool, exhausted and rebellious, but when Kathryn and I lay down on the nearby lounge chairs, Lerwick returns, asking if we finished all of our repetitions. We give him the, "What do you think?" look and he replies, "Don't try to lie on this one! That's why I had this tree installed next to the pool!" We look at the pool and are astonished to see a huge deciduous tree with partially bare branched overhanging the pool. The rest of its leaves rest, yellow and orange, completely covering the surface of the pool. As we watch more leaves fall a a constant rate, as new ones constantly unfurl and yellow on the tree. Kathryn and I laugh in astonishment as Mr. Lerwick says, "I knew it! All I have to do now is show the undisturbed surface to the Superintendent and you'll finally get punishment!"

As hilariously entertaining as he is, we leave Mr. Lerwick by the pool and walk out to the playing field, where Mr. Sullivan sits in the bleachers. My bike balances, waiting for me, on the pitchers mound. I get on but feel unsure of how to ride it. I seem to be sitting on handlebars. I tell Mr. Sullivan that mom's bike had handlebars that fit my ass better, and create a mirage to show him what I mean. Then I get confused, because that bike wasn't even the right size, and besides, I like my new bike much better, and I tell him so. The mirage vanishes. He nods and encourages me to continue, waiting to evaluate my bike-riding skill. I get on the bike and pedal a few feet, but feel unsteady and decide it's best just to get off. I don't really need to do the evaluation right now, or I don't know why I need to do it in the first place.

Crises Avoided

Walking down the hill into the park, I see a large raft floating 50 yards off the beach. The people manning the raft seem to be having difficulties keeping their large red cylindrical things in place. I rush down to help.
I find Katie Hendrickson, Katie Dolan, and Andrew Oestrich struggling to get all of their waterproof percussion instruments back onto the raft in time for the show. It seems they were planning on having a floating drum corps competition, until the wind and wave height picked up.
I help tow the raft back ashore while chasing an errant timpani. We finally have collected all the drums and the raft is safely moored. The Katies and Andrew decide that we need more people to man the raft and help during the competition. They tell everyone on the beach to run out into the waves and fall over if they want to be selected. A good fifty people do so, resulting in large splashes and shouts of laughter. I am disappointed - I helped with the raft, I should get to be in the drum corps. I point this out to Andrew and the Katies agree. Relieved, I help them select the people who will be of most use on a red percussion raft.

Everyone has fled the park, and my sister and Arin Ewing and I are trying to find the cause. We walk past empty playgrounds and hotdog carts. We see something flitting through the trees. Frightened, we hide in an abandoned playhouse, but the monster can smell us. It enters as we exit the back way, and I catch sight of it. It is only a mountain lion! I am no longer afraid. I tell it to lay down right there in the playhouse, and it does. I scratch it on the head, but am still wary because if it gets temperamental. It seems to be happy and harmless, so I decide to disguise it so that no one is afraid. Running through my options, I skip past the viking costume as that would be just as frightening. I finally settle on a gauzy material that is draped over the head and strapped on, like a lampshade Bedouin.
We continue on, the threat to our welfare negated.

Southgate Pizza Rink

I sit in the Mini with my mom. My feet rest on the dashboard and Monty crawls about in te back seat. We are parked in front of Southgate Roller Rink. My mom urges me to go in and order some pizza; she will pay me back. I don't think a roller rink will have very good pizza, but when I go inside it is actually a pizza parlor resembling the old Wendy's on Ambaum. The fluorescent lighting makes me confused, and I stumble across some of the ropes forming a maze across the emtpy floor, presumably to guide the nonexistent line of customers. I fing my way to the counter, buy a rootbeer and a lemonade because I am suddenly very thirsty.
Then I am guided out an alternate entrance into a warehouse, with dark curtains and blacklighting and mirrors. I know this is a funhouse where terrible things usually happen in dreams, and I fully expect terrible things to happen, but again I become confused by the ropes and pathways, and stumble out into the parking lot.
When I get back into the car my mom expresses disappointment that I forgot to order a pizza and goes back into the crazy parlor. The car is now oriented differently, and I climb through to the backseat, and touch the rear window. I remark to Monty that icicles have formed and will soon melt away.
Then Jeff Eaton walks across the parking lot, sharply dressed. I sit on the edge of the open window, calling to him over the top of the car. I am surprised when he remembers my name and calls back. Just then Sean Hughes comes out of the funhouse and he and Jeff talk about probability and statistics, and mention Nick in the context of mad skillz. I assume they are talking about Nick Moen, and ask them, but Jeff says, "Oh no, not that Nick..."

Postmodernism Prevails

We are slaves to a strange man, tending his vegetable garden in a place that looks like my old house. A stream runs through the backyard. We move empty, infertile soil around in a pretense of work.

It is night, we have been called inside. I play pool with a very attractive man, he resembles Andrew the Waiter. I am not sure I am playing correctly.

We escape, dashing across the plot of land into the stream. One slave is sucked underground as he runs, but the rest of us make it safely to the water. The sky is red, perhaps signifying sunset.

We find ourselves at a carnival. I locate the French festivities and seat myself across from Spencer. We are handed several different cheeses and some sort of ham. We are told not to eat them right away, but we do. We are hungry. Behind Spencer I can see children cavorting on an inflatable trampoline.

We return to the house where our master lives, hoping to rescue our fellow that was trapped upon trying to leave. We circle the house quietly, but risk discovery as our ex-owner sits in his study, looking out the window. We leave.

As the others walk down the driveway, I change my mind and turn around. The slaver is actually my respected mentor in many things, and I think it is worth it to pay him a visit. I enter the house, make my way to the study and crawl underneath a table in order to better observe his activities. He turns around, and it is the Andrew the Waiter-like man. He espies me crouching underneath the furniture and coaxes me out gently.
He gives me a guitar and makes me sit in his lap and play for him, like a father. I notice he is slightly fatter and slightly less well-groomed. but when I mention this to him, he laughs and says that everyone changes. I feel small but safe and secure, like a child. We sing a song together.

Vegetables Are Superior to Books

We visit the library to do some research. It is actually more of a museum gift shop, with all sorts of useless things on display, but still we manage to check out some of the things we need. Two-year-old cousin Joey insists that we purchase a book on the viking raiders and their boats, but it is a work of art, practically, and I do not have enough money to buy something like that, especially for a two-year-old. I make him put it back, placating him by telling him we will buy some bell peppers later.
I am riding my tricycle out of the library parking lot at night, when I see Holly, heading into the library, probably to do research on the same project. I ask if she wants to come buy bell peppers with us, but she declines. I shrug my shoulders in a "your funeral" manner and pedal away.
It is daytime now. Having procured our bell peppers, we are having a picnic under some overarching rock formations on the mud flats. We eat hurriedly, as the tide will soon come back in.

Gasp! How Scandalous!

It is the family reunion. I am sitting at the table with my oldest cousins and my aunts and uncles. I am pleased that Katie and Bisbee remember me. I realize how much we all look alike simply because of our eyebrows and eyes.

I get up to get something and find myself on some sort of carnival ride, which is actually transportation to another part of town. I am very high up, and the fog pushes past as I whiz along the rails. I wonder why I am not cold, as I am wearing short sleeves.

I am deposited in a run-down area of Downtown San Francisco. Examining my surroundings, I see a squadron of Black-American policeman, advancing menacingly on me. I run for my life, around the corner of a large brick factory building and down the stairs to an iron-wrought door. I wrench open the door and run inside. The purpose of the small company seems to be to provide a bathroom if you are really desperate. I guess there weren't any others around. I dash past the elegantly decorated and nicely lit entry and lock myself into one of the spacious stalls. I decide to unlock it again, because if it's locked, it's obvious that there's someone inside. I can hear the guards slamming open the stall doors next to me, looking underneath for feet. I manage to crouch on the porcelain toilet, then I lose my balance and fall off. I think they have gone away, but when I open the door cautiously they are there. I slam the door in their faces, delaying them as they barge in. I throw a couple of punches, one's lip begins to bleed, but the two large men are able to overcome me. With a secure grip on me, they open the stall door to take me back to their squadron.
A clean-shaven young white man stands defiantly in their way. Between the two of us, we are able to take down both the policemen. Very relieved, I decide this man is now my boyfriend. He wants compensation for saving my ass, but I tell him not right now because Mister Fosberg is in the cubicle right next to ours. How embarrassing that would be! So we exit the bathroom (without paying for its use) and sit together on the back steps. I have grown very fond of him in a short time.

I stand on the same steps heartbroken, my family tries to comfort me. I think my boyfriend has been abducted. My father, in a sudden flash of inspiration, turns into a werewolf in order to track his scent. We set off down the block.
I notice that there is an abundance of small dogs in this city. Two chihuahuas take a liking to us, and begin helping us track down the missing person.

We find ourselves in an underwater dungeon. The search party splits up - I follow dripping pipes and grimy walls to a large room. The light is soft and ambient, such that the blue walls seem to glow. I feel like I am deep in the open ocean. In the middle of the room, a large black sphere spins slowly. There is an opening on one side. Near another entrance to the ocean room, my boyfriend is standing, transfixed. I am very glad to see him. Joining him, he tells me he thinks this is some sort of portal to another world. I decide the only way to find out is to try it, and together we dive through the opening. It is no portal, but the inside of the sphere is dark and embracing, like a womb or a nest. We decide it is an excellent place to give and receive compensation.

Sugar is power

One burly construction worker lays down in the gravelly grass lot, his feet towards the building next door, and gazes up at the blue sky. He calls for his two friends to take a break and come lay down with him. They do, and all breathe in deeply. One smells cotton candy, and picks up a rock next to a vent coming out of the building. It is coated with a multicolored fuzz, similar to cotton candy, or perhaps lint. He licks it. It is cotton candy! They all take a rock and lick them as they gaze up at the sky. One finds a rectangular sheet of red paper on the ground and holds it up to the sky, remarking that this was how one was supposed to be able to see the colors. The men squint, and then collectively gasp, as the colors become visible to them. After a while they start thinking about the cotton candy rocks, and decide to go find the source in the building next door. They go inside the building, which turns out to be a bakery and a candy shop, with old-fashioned counters and machinery. A young woman in a striped apron goes about making donuts, and the men talk, telling her about their discovery of the cotton candy rocks. They start insisting that she make more, and share the recipes. One man walks back into the shop and becomes very agitated by something, which starts a huge commotion with the men trying to push past the young woman. I barely get a glimpse of a back room with a high pyramid ceiling, filled with strings dripping with icicle-like dough. There is yelling about keeping such a secret, and not sharing the potential with others, and power.

Find

On a shelf with a few other books I find a beautiful, old, dark brown copy of Hesiod's "Cosmogony". It is brittle and embossed with gold on the cover. Inside, it says "JANVS" and has a swirl of two lines. I recognize the pattern from my room and decide to buy it; probably this copy belong to Janus, the two-headed god of doorways and passages.

Moral Dilemmas Part II

I steam the milk, pull the shots, add the syrup, and my mouth waters in anticipation of the caramel latte I am about to drink.

It was a perfect day

The temperature is just right, the air is clear, and the light is not too bright. Looking east to the Sound, the tide is out, and I feel perfect as I am. I wish I could go down to the water, but I have obligations, so I call Alex and tell him he needs to take a break and go down there.

-

I try to go to McCarty to pick up a key to my new home, but since I got there from my dorm, in a building a minute and a half to the southwest, I cannot obtain the key, because I don't live in that dorm anymore, I live in Fremont. I have to go somewhere else to pick up the key because the person I an trying to pick up the key from would only live in McCarty if I lived in the other dorm. I try and figure out where the person with the key lives now that I live in Fremont, or if they might be in a different place altogether since I am about to move.
I lose track of my thoughts when I run into a cluster of people standing in the way of the exit. Trying to go around them, I realize it is actually a line of people, extending down the hallway and all the way up the wide wooden stair. Actually, down every hallyway and up every staircase. A rythmic flashing catches my eye, and I understand that the building is filled with students standing in line for copy machines. Each one holds about three hundred pages, and must make copies of them before going to class.
I finally find my way out of the solid maze of students and out to a parking lot. On my way out I notice that one of the boys I am walking next to looks like Vinh from my tea class, but I can't tell for sure because I don't want to interrupt his conversation. Eventually I am almost sure it is Vinh, but he is ignoring me because I never got back to him about getting chai. He gets into a sportscar in the parking lot an I walk down the line of cars, looking for Kathryn's van. When I think I've found it I hesitate, debating whether it's really white now, but Kathryn's dad rolls down the window and sticks his head out. The other doors open and Kellen and Anna get out. Then Devin and Kathryn come over from a nearby car. Kathryn's dad says they've been waiting for me to start the summer programming class. They do this every summer in this parking lot, because it's too expensive to get a classroom. This makes me really nervous, because as much as I would like to take a class with everyone, I haven't taken math in two years, and Devin is already talking about algorithms.

I go back to my dormitory, which actually looks like my Fremont Studio (no wonder I was confused), and lay on the floor, looking through the bookcase. I pick out a book titled "SURPRISES!", thinking that maybe it's full of ideas for giving people really cool surprise parties. Instead, I am disappointed to see that it includes 10-12 illustrated summaries of historically surprising engineering feats.

Eighteenth century French literature invades my pop culture dreams

I am a Bond Girl in an action-packed adventure. People are dying left and right, but we have little time to think of them. When James gets bitten by a snake Felix and I hide him under a piece of rubble from the ceiling in the bathtub so the enemy won't find him and get any information from him before he's dead. To tell the truth I'm glad to be rid of that bastard; he was such a dick.
A little while later I think that there is something wrong with this picture. The main character of the series isn't supposed to die, and the woman and sidekick share the spotlight... but then I remember that the Bond movies were written by Voltaire, so he must come back later in the story, somehow having miraculously escaped death. How disappointing.

Let It Be

I am riding in the car with my mom through the middle of nowhere. The only monument in sight on the beige plain is a giant casino, which we leave behind. Finally, up ahead I spot a square building and parking lot. My mother begins driving insanely fast, and I assume it is a bank that we must reach before it closes, but it turns out it is just a cheap shoe store. We do several 360s on the parking lot as my mom tries to figure out if it is closed, and then we screech out of the parking lot back to the casino.

In the parking lot of the casino, I try to move about unnoticed, following someone. This is made easier by the fact that the cars are replaced by tall objects, somewhat like anthills. I catch up to the person I am following, and then some events take place which involve me giving a piggy back ride to this person, trying to dance while doing this, and him becoming paralyzed. My uncle arrives in the parking lot, and I gather from his presence that the paralysis of the person on my back is a hereditary disease that his family didn't want me to know about. He says nothing, being paralyzed, but I know he wants to.

The casino is also High School, and I am visiting Kelly Mason. She tells me about her schedule and I ask if she has much homework. She says she has a ton, and very little time to do it in, but her mother will help her by typing up her lab report. I laugh, wishing I could get my parents to help me with my homework when I am busy.
Kelly starts to say something else about her job, but I don't hear what she says, because I have begun singing "Let It Be". I look her in the eye, indicating that I can't stop now, and in any case singing is what's most important in this moment. Matt Kent understands and joins in.

We go to lunch in the cafeteria, where the cashier charges me $1.50. There is so much good food, I am amazed, and wish I could eat like this every day.

Battle

I try to get to Burien by taking the bus to Fremont; the 73 becomes the 74 becomes the 75, and I have to get off before I end up in Ballard.

My parents take me to see my sister, who is living in Bellingam on a lake. I try to explain the buses to her as she applies makeup. I pick up her concealer and apply some under my eyes. It is pasty and thick, and when I express dissatisfaction, I reassure myself out loud that it looks fine, but without actually adressing myself.

In my parents' dining room I suddenly look up, to the west, and see a dark, close horizon. The atmosphere is thick, and lights are flashing behind it. At first I think it is the radio towers flashing, but only lights above a certain height are red. The white flashes closer to the horizon are coming from guns fired by dark figures at our feet. They are spaced out all along the muddy shoreline behind baricades of our dining room furniture.

Get used to disappointment.

Devin informs me happily that we are leaving for Disneyland in two days. I am surprised at how quickly the time between then and now has passed. To my consternation, however, I find I have not fully paid for the trip and am not allowed to go. I resolve to never spend money again.

Very Suspicious

I will be living in a small, rundown cabin on the south end of campus next quarter. It used to belong to someone's grandparents; they are either dead or they don't know someone is letting me stay there.
Inside there are two stoves, one that looks like a small electric cooktop, and another which looks like it could be the kerosene stove my grandparents described from their first home in Alabama. It is encrusted with black grease, and I decide to test it out to see if it still works. I turn the knob on the righ burner. Nothing happens, except it makes a single loud pop. I lean in to listen for the sound of gas and it pops again. I realize it's probably a really stupid idea to stick my head next to a popping stove and quickly turn the knob off. I smell for gas in vain, then stupidly repeat the process. When finished I decide I should leave the cabin, expecting it to explode at any moment.

In the parking lot below I meet some schoolmates, and the orthodontist is implied. I think I was supposed to go in months ago, and the flourescent lighting was especially suspicious.

Driving through Normandy Park in the wrong direction I try to eat breakfast at an undergound restaurant with Alex, but instead I find myself on stage, at the dress rehearsal for my dance recital. I am in the class of three and four year-olds, dressed in a yellow tutu, and singing to Mary Poppins. I don't remember ever taking this class, and I hope my body will remember what it suppsedly learned. It does. I tap dance along with the rest of the (very old) four year-olds, fly around stage, and sing loudly and off-key.

Now I stand in my grandparent's kitchen. I walk across the room towards my grandmother, who is making cookies, but as I approach she doens't get any bigger. I stand behind her and she only comes up to my belly button. Her hair is very soft. I think she must be dying. She walks in one direction to the living room and I go around the other way. I say confusedly to Laura that she must have shrunken, and my grandma nods uncomprehendingly from her seat on the comparatively giant sofa.

Fire Maze

A man stands in a living room and suddenly the carpet bursts into a line of very short, red flames. He makes to step over them to the door, but they maliciously flare up as he lifts his foot. In an instant they have spread outward in lines, forming a maze across the room. Everything is bathed in red light and heat.