Why Am I Not Famous Already?

Garrison Keillor and I trek across a vast praire towards distant mountains. Ominous black clouds crackle overhead. We make it to the cave just as the rain begins.

The cave has a fake, romanticized feel to it, with Disneyland animatronics, dramatic lighting and plastic jewels scattered everywhere. I follow Garrison Keillor through the crowd. At the back of a cave, we clamber up over a ledge and enter a brightly lit, strangely decorated room. We have succeeded in reaching the competition.

Apparently my sister has won the American Idol competition. For her last performance, she has invited Mr. Keillor, myself, and an unknown boy (possibly a friend of mine) to join her onstage. The American Idol representatives greet us as we climb out of the cave and lead us to a crowded dressing room, which will also serve as our hotel room. We are left to get ready.

I take the bathroom to get dressed, since I am the only girl, and when I step out the stage manager is there, telling us it's almost time. Looking at all my other clothing options laid out on the bed, I realize I don't really want to be wearing this. I frantically try to decide between the purple shirt or the green hoody, while Garrison Keillor stands impatiently at the door.

My Fear

At the fifth ave, I stand motionless in the middle of the stage, desperately hoping that any second I will recognize the music playing and remember the dance that goes with it. I know I have been going to class for at least a few months, but I can't put together any choreography, and when I move my body doesn't remember either.

Backstage I watch a horde of tiny children dressed in matching adidas sweatsuits do some rather impressive ballet. Their parents soon join them onstage and dance with them, just barely holding hands because the children are so small. I start crying and am embarassed when Sarah laughs at me.

Now I am on stage, as a part of the Company. We are about to perform the Sting, but first we must exchange gifts. Sarah starts by announcing her gift to Laura, then Laura announces her gift to Amanda, then Amanda presents me with tickets to all of the upcoming buffets. I am silent for a while, and finally announce to the waiting audience, "and I have nothing to give, because I didn't know". Everyone acts embarrassed, and I feel ashamed