Dork Dance and (Not My) Wedding Anxiety

I am on vacation with my family, and my parents have decided that it would be beneficial to our cultural knowledge to visit a theme park. The theme park is located on a rocky cliff, and the manager directs our car into the cave so we can begin the ride. The whole thing is really sketchy and makes me really uncomfortable, like the bad circus, and I keep telling my mom that we should quit, "before it's too late." The path we drive down is very narrow, crumbling at the edges, where it drops down about five feet to moats of lava on either side. We proceed at a crawling pace in the Mini Cooper so as to avoid the campus squirrels and cardboard vampires that keep popping up. Finally my mom gets tired of waiting for the exciting part, so we reverse out of the cave, which is only about twenty feet long.

I return to my hotel room to make a flower arrangement, only to find the math team staying there. I happen to know one of the guys from somewhere random, so I decide I should chat with him so I don't appear unfriendly. While we are chatting awkwardly some music starts playing on the stereo, and I get really excited, thinking everyone is about to start dancing, and things will loosen up a bit. I exclaim, "Come on, we should dance!" and start grooving.
The guy just stares at me and goes, "Uhhh..."
"Come on, this is a great song!" He just looks around at his teammates, and I look at them too and see them all standing motionless, slouching and staring at me. I should have realized that of course the math team would never know how to dance, but I am the huge dork in this situation.

Later someone else has Garett's (my sister's fiance's) green bike, and they want to ride somewhere with me. In the gift shop of Fontainebleau I realize I'm supposed to be in love with this person. I decide I will act like I am for a while, because it must be part of the plan where we pretend like we're in love for a while. Then I realize I actually am in love with the person, and they are in love with me, but I feel terrible because I've only just now realized I really love them, so I must have been lying to them for a long time out of convenience. I want to tell them the truth, that I finally love them and only now found out, am too scared to say anything because they will probably hate me for lying for so long.

Impressive and Ever-So-Useful Powers

I sing, "The Same Fire" to Alex, but he is unresponsive. Instead I have just set Shorewood Elementary on fire. I feel guilty about the Ficus, since they have been thriving recently.

I am back at Burien Dance, in pointe class. Bridgette seems to have trouble remembering her choreography for our dance, and when she does it is terrible. We waltz diagonally across the floor for at least twelve counts, and collide into a can can line.
Class ends, and I go out to the lobby. Ginny, a girl I used to dance with is there waiting for the next class, and she asks me, "Are you ever going to come visit my Grandma's furniture liquidation business? It's right in the middle of the U-District!" I say yes, of course I'll come, because it seems really important to her, and ask for directions on how to get there. Of course, she has no idea because she doesn't know the area, so I ask for cross streets or an address. She can't give me either of them, so I end up flying over the area and setting down on 15th and 43rd, near the bookstore.
The furniture liquidation business actually turns out to be a protective shelter for some magical giraffe's that are threatened by some grumpy dinosaurs roaming the area. The dinosaurs are on a rampage, and I have to act as peacemaker, but in order to communicate with either group I have to become an animal, as small and nonthreatening as possible. The natural answer, of coarse, is a squirrel. I find a shed and sit down to concentrate on my transformation, with my dragonfly friend as a lookout. Beginning takes me longer than usual, but at last I am able to concentrate on my squirrel thoughts and I begin to shrink. When I judge I am small and furry enough I scamper out of the shed and over to the giraffe shelter, oping I won't have to go through that process again.

My Fear

At the fifth ave, I stand motionless in the middle of the stage, desperately hoping that any second I will recognize the music playing and remember the dance that goes with it. I know I have been going to class for at least a few months, but I can't put together any choreography, and when I move my body doesn't remember either.

Backstage I watch a horde of tiny children dressed in matching adidas sweatsuits do some rather impressive ballet. Their parents soon join them onstage and dance with them, just barely holding hands because the children are so small. I start crying and am embarassed when Sarah laughs at me.

Now I am on stage, as a part of the Company. We are about to perform the Sting, but first we must exchange gifts. Sarah starts by announcing her gift to Laura, then Laura announces her gift to Amanda, then Amanda presents me with tickets to all of the upcoming buffets. I am silent for a while, and finally announce to the waiting audience, "and I have nothing to give, because I didn't know". Everyone acts embarrassed, and I feel ashamed

Man, I am a terrible host

Kory takes our class on a field trip to show us the three "principles of dance":

Number one is a fake scepter placed on a velour cushion. I lead the group up to the porch of the cabin to look at the scepter, but everyone crowds behind me so I pass by quickly.

Number two is one of those poles you slide down on a big toy, with a curved top. When I approach I give Kory a skeptical look, and he sighs and says, "Envision a flagpole!" So it's a curved flagpole... I kind of get it.

Number three is a station wagon on a platform perched on top of a large pole. This one I just don't get. When we look questioningly at Kory he uses a remote control to tilt the station wagon; something spills out. We tell him to stop, the car is about to fall off. He tilts it again, and several small objects spill out and clatter to the ground like pop cans. The car slowly topples off, and we all run and take cover in great fear of the small objects inside the car (beetles?). I hide in the big toy for an unnecessarily long time. When I come out my mom is frosting cookies on the porch of the cabin. I help for a while, frosting some bundt cake from a paper sack filled with blue frosting.

I walk around the corner of the cabin to find myself on the playground at Shorewood. Kyra, some other familiar friends, and I take turns on the slide. As we slide, I ask Kyra questions about her upcoming surgery. She is optimistic.

I have some assignment that I'm late finishing for school, so I decide to go early to work on it. I walk down the Burke-Gilman trail and end up on Lake Union under I-5. Alex is there, and I stop to talk to him, and then I continue on, now wading through the water. When I pass under the University Bridge and arrive at my my desired destination, and start to climb up the bank to get out of the water. Too late, I notice the muddy structures around me moving- they are trolls! No one ever told me there were University trolls! They seem to jsut be waking up from a nap, so I hope that if I climb quickly they won't notice me. Then my shoe gets stuck in a hole in the wall, and when I turn I see another troll climbing out of the water after me, a dead fish in its mouth. I consider screaming, but decide against it.

On land I find my way to a designated study area, which is a small patch of grass next to the Burke-Gilman where about nine people already lay in a grid formation. When I get there I feel sleepy, so the natural thing to do is lay down. I wedge myself in an empty slot and arrange my stacks of books around me. Chris, a guy from Solstice who always orders "short americans" is there, telling a friend that he is in my French class as well as in another girl's senior seminar. This is not true, and it frustrates me, so I leave.

Back in my apartment, I am just waking up from a nap, when I become aware of a giant plasm television on the wall next to my bed. My eyes are closed, but I can see the colors from it on the insides of my eyelids. I can also hear that my mom and another family member or two are in the room. Listening to the program, it is a news interview. I hear "University of Washington Track", "New Zealand", and "Vinh". I realize they are about to interview my friend from my tea class, and I roll over and try to open my eyes to see the TV, saying groggily, "Hey, it's my track star! That's my friend!", which comes out as an incomprehensible mumble.
My eyes will not open. I focus all my energy on opening my eyes, but all that happens is I can see some very blurry outlines. Urgently I pry my eyelids open with my fingers, but I still cannot see. I let go and my eyes fall shut. Feeling as though I am on drugs, I sit up with difficulty in front of the mirror and try to open my eyes again. I suspect that the lids are actually opening, but my vision does not work.

Later, as I walk down the path to Shorewood Beach with a number of people I tell them about the incident over and over again.


Then Courtney and Kris had sex. This was not surprising to me, but Andrea was really concerned about it, especially that Beth would find out, so she devised a complex plan to drug all of our friends and somehow hypnotize them to forget about it. She invited all of the Academy 4.0s over to my house and prepared several dips that would cause everyone to fall asleep. There were also small, crescent-shaped pieces of sheet metal that she fed to the guests after they fell alseep for some reason.
The problem was that everyone arrived at different times, so we had to move the party out onto the patio, and then Megan Su wanted to make her own guacamole, and Andrea almost flipped out. I tried to pull her aside and tell her that maybe this wasn't worth it, and ask what the pieces of sheet metal were for, because they seemed really dangerous for someone to be consuming. Andrea didn't pay attention and told me to go feed more dip to the sleeping peole upstairs while she helped Megan make a new dip.

Very Suspicious

I will be living in a small, rundown cabin on the south end of campus next quarter. It used to belong to someone's grandparents; they are either dead or they don't know someone is letting me stay there.
Inside there are two stoves, one that looks like a small electric cooktop, and another which looks like it could be the kerosene stove my grandparents described from their first home in Alabama. It is encrusted with black grease, and I decide to test it out to see if it still works. I turn the knob on the righ burner. Nothing happens, except it makes a single loud pop. I lean in to listen for the sound of gas and it pops again. I realize it's probably a really stupid idea to stick my head next to a popping stove and quickly turn the knob off. I smell for gas in vain, then stupidly repeat the process. When finished I decide I should leave the cabin, expecting it to explode at any moment.

In the parking lot below I meet some schoolmates, and the orthodontist is implied. I think I was supposed to go in months ago, and the flourescent lighting was especially suspicious.

Driving through Normandy Park in the wrong direction I try to eat breakfast at an undergound restaurant with Alex, but instead I find myself on stage, at the dress rehearsal for my dance recital. I am in the class of three and four year-olds, dressed in a yellow tutu, and singing to Mary Poppins. I don't remember ever taking this class, and I hope my body will remember what it suppsedly learned. It does. I tap dance along with the rest of the (very old) four year-olds, fly around stage, and sing loudly and off-key.

Now I stand in my grandparent's kitchen. I walk across the room towards my grandmother, who is making cookies, but as I approach she doens't get any bigger. I stand behind her and she only comes up to my belly button. Her hair is very soft. I think she must be dying. She walks in one direction to the living room and I go around the other way. I say confusedly to Laura that she must have shrunken, and my grandma nods uncomprehendingly from her seat on the comparatively giant sofa.

Unfortunate school day

At school, I get ready for a dance audition. When I go to class in studio 266, Mr. Fosberg chats with the boys, waiting his turn to try the combination from the corner.

Uncomfortable, I leave and have to jump onto a legde to avoid Kris, but accidentally avoid Modessa as well.

I try to go home on one of the 70s, but instead of getting on a bus I end up in the giant auditorium on Campus Parkway, where I get the results of my math midterm. The next class is Engineering, and I wonder is I should stay.

Famous Figures

The flashlight with no batteries works.

I make out with Michelangelo/Chewbacca in a secret cupboard in the basement of the house where I live.

I am recruited by Laura to be part of a new fashion show. I learn at the rehearsal at Burien Dance Theatre that it is a modern dance fashion show, and my theme is "happy". The first time through I am really bummed to have such a stupid theme and dance rather poorly, but afterwards I realize the awesome possibilities of the show.

I go outside to sit down with my dad on the curb by a huge solid blue fence, which is about fifty feet high, enclosing a large portion of the street. Water splashes over the top, which I conclude must be from the waterslide on the other side, and this is the Burien February Carnival. Anna walks by and asks what I am doing in Burien, but listens uninterestedly as I tell her about the improvisational modern dance fashion show.

I go back inside for the second rehearsal of the day, and this time feel really connected. The musicians seem rather impressed and the stage hands send out the other dancers. They are all breakdancing men. Feathers fall from te ceiling near the end of the number and inspire me to try to fly again. I can't believe I almost forgot that I fly.

After rehearsal I ride the 125 through Shorewood with Kathryn. It is almost Christmas and I haven't done nearly enough shopping, so I stay on the motionless bus for a long time, hoping it will go back downtown. It is a very sunny December. In fact is is alot more like June. Kathryn informs me that my mother has decided that when my lease is up in Fremont at the end of February, I will move in with her family because I will be less likely to catch the bus in the morning. This is a terrible solution, and I get off the bus and walk back and forth, east to west along some streets in Arbor Heights, trying to see which one will lead to Roxhill Park, where my mom is walking the dog. Teenagers look at me strangely as a pace the street.

At the park I worry about getting my shoes muddy wading through the swamp, but they have fixed that. I catch up to my mom, who walks hurriedly in the direction I just came from. A group of young Latino boys in purple jerseys plays soccer nearby, and when the ball comes in our direction my mom kicks it back to them neatly.

Back in Shorewood my parents have a Chelan condo, which my mother shows to the Kolpacks, who will be staying with us. I show a friend the coat closet, and then switch into narration mode. I am Chrissy, the youngest child, who can't help but dance, regardless of the consequences. I come out of the closet dancing to some really good indie pop, and meet my dance partner in the living room. This is another part of rehearsal for the fashion/dance show. My partner is in his twenties, and I wonder about the implications of dancing like this with an older man, but in the true character Chrissy, I feel compelled to keep dancing (plus he's really good).

When we are through with the rehearsal the man mentions that he was supposed to enter into a simulation like the one I had with Michelangelo/Chewbacca, and that other one with Descartes, only in his he is supposed to be Nicole Kidman's husband. Subconsciously I am aware the Nicole Kidman's husband is Daniel Craig, and I try to tell the man it will not work, because I'm fairly sure he's already a movie star, and I don't think movie stars are allowed to participate in simulations of movie stars.

He doesn't think it matters, and, determined to complete his assignment, begins the simulation anyway. I am supposed to supervise, but I have trouble telling which man sitting at a nearby table in the smoke-filled club is my dance partner and which men are part of the simulation, because they are all incredibly handsome and masculine-looking, and they are all making kissy faces at Nicole Kidman, who is sitting at the table across the way.

I notice the band playing on stage, and get really excited when I recognize the profile Count Basie at the piano. I think about this a bit, and decide that it can't really be Count Basie, but some lookalike they hired for the simulation. It dawns on me that Nicole Kidman isn't really Nicole Kidman either.