My Fear

At the fifth ave, I stand motionless in the middle of the stage, desperately hoping that any second I will recognize the music playing and remember the dance that goes with it. I know I have been going to class for at least a few months, but I can't put together any choreography, and when I move my body doesn't remember either.

Backstage I watch a horde of tiny children dressed in matching adidas sweatsuits do some rather impressive ballet. Their parents soon join them onstage and dance with them, just barely holding hands because the children are so small. I start crying and am embarassed when Sarah laughs at me.

Now I am on stage, as a part of the Company. We are about to perform the Sting, but first we must exchange gifts. Sarah starts by announcing her gift to Laura, then Laura announces her gift to Amanda, then Amanda presents me with tickets to all of the upcoming buffets. I am silent for a while, and finally announce to the waiting audience, "and I have nothing to give, because I didn't know". Everyone acts embarrassed, and I feel ashamed