Impressions

Is this a graduation party? Wow, it's in a pool. Everyone crowd onto this boat, it's time to go.

Enter: green, murky, shallow swamp. What's this, a wagon train of canoes? Where are we going? Oh look, a snake. How cute. No, don't get out to catch it. Oh well, at least the water's not that deep. Holy shit, get back in the boat! THAT one's humongous! Look!... wow ... look how it swims in a spiral... I'm pretty sure snakes that big don't grow well in water this shallow.

Ah, back at port. Hey, look, another group of people. Wait - that's - that's us! No, no, stay back. Look, they're going in the buiding. We can watch them from this overhang here. Damn, we're trapped in some sort of time flux. How do we get out? No, we can't ask our past selves! That'd completely screw up the space-time continuum! What are you thinking?



Wow, this place is really kind of dark. But look at all these fish and reptiles and such! No, sorry, I don't work here. Hey, Kevin, nice store. Boy, it sure is dank.



Maybe if... if I angle my way across the lawn here they won't notice I'm gone... no, they're telling me to get back in line. Dang, college campuses are too open. These people seem nice enough, but I can tell they've got something nasty planned for us.

What? I'm a finalist in some stupid talent competition? Fine. I don't know about the rest of you, but my goal is to not win. Oh? My turn? Well, I was already up here. I can't really turn back now.
What is a ball to a puppy?
Is this some sort of analogy test? No, wait. That's simple... a toy. That's right, I'm supposed to be trying to win. Now maybe if I kneel down amidst these small children and look introspective I can gain get some of the audience to like me. Let me study this book. Here.

Well, now that that's over with I can- wait, what? we have to go to kyra's musical? Dang it, I thought I was finally free to do what I wanted. What, we're ALL in it? Um, okay. Let's get in this capsule-shaped thing and drive there.

Okay, I guess I'll get in costume and pretend I know what I'm doing. I hope Mrs. L.H. isn't mad at me for not coming to any rehearsals. Kellen seems to have a decent idea of what's going on, I'll follow her. Whew. This is ridiculous, but it's not that bad.







I like this house. Some of you should stay outside.

It's got to be here, it absolutely has to be here... I'm sure I left it here in the other dimension... quick, the wind is picking up, we have to find it before the universe collapses. Try turning on and off all the lights and here, hold this. Shit. Electricity's gone out.
No, no, I know it was here... goddamnit!
I know this is where I left it!
I know, I know, it's time to go,
running out of time
but
I know it's here

Sandwich-Making Competition

Kathryn, Kellen, some other friends, and I leave Ms. L.H.'s classroom in Shorewood and walk down the hallway, heading over to someone's house for a graduation party. Along the way we pass a long line of students, probably Juniors, waiting to get their photos taken. As we pass by the office, I hear, "Jenny, come take photos with me!" It is my special friend, and he smiles and pleads with his eyes. I make the sorry face, but he grabs me by the hand and we run down the hallway towards the bathrooms, laughing. We stop and stare at each other, laughing. His pupils keep dilating, and finally I get a flash of reality and ask, "Are you high?" He laughs and says, "Why, are you?" and I say, "No, but are you?"

Eventually I make it past all the sorority girls crowding Steven's Way and into the auditorium. It is filled with long tables, all facing towards the front stage. At each table there are teams of five people sitting in a row, wearing matching polo shirts and visors. I find my team and sit down to the left of Roderick. We are in a sandwich making competition. Suddenly it has started and I am presented with bowls of tomato wedges. My job is to add the cottage cheese. We have five minutes to make as many sandwiches as possible to the judges' standards. For some reason, though, the first person in our line gets up and leaves, halting the process. I try to take over and salvage their work, but find that they have actually been doing a terrible job, and we are out of tomatoes. As a judge passes by, I wonder why anyone would even put cottage cheese on top of tomatoes anyway. I always eat my tomatoes off the top of the cottage cheese.
I think we are disqualified in the end because we didn't actually make sandwiches, and I am not disappointed because it was a silly competition anyway.

Awkward Covers

I am holding a conversation with my mother in a parking lot, but I am late to get on a bus with my French class. My mother seems concerned for my safety, but I insist I must get on the bus or I will be left behind. I board the yellow school bus, showing my U-Pass to the driver. I take a seat near the front, and see that my mother has followed me on board. I stand up, glaring, and say quietly, "Mom. What are you doing on this bus?" and then louder, "Excuse me. What are you doing on this bus?" She finally gets that I am embarrassed and I don't want my classmates to know my mother wants to chaperon our field trip, so she says, "Oh, right... Ahem..." and turns to the bus driver and announces, "I am interested in psychology-gical... anthropology. I want to research- cite sources of the study of."
Meanwhile the bus driver has assumed she is crazy but starts driving anyway. We make a circle in the parking lot, but eventually my mom distracts the her so much that she veers off into a field, turns off the bus and everyone gets out.

I go to stay with a friend for the night, and when I go to shut the bedroom door, I am extremely embarrassed that the younger brother is awake. I think he is also frozen, although I can't recall how literally.
In the morning I get lost in the covers, and detach myself reluctantly.

At some later point I remember complaining to a friend in a cafe about my embarrassing experiences.

A man dressed as an asparagus spear nervously shuffles through his jokes written on the backs of carefully clipped coupons before his audition. He carefully stores them in a small carved wooden box before cautiously stepping out onto the ice.
Now from the view of Asparagus Man, I feel incredibly disappointed in myself as the winning couple skates around me, waving to adoring fans with affixed photogenic smiles.
Disappointment doesn't last long, because Asparagus Man climbs onto a stage with the encouragement of the crowd, crying with happiness, and steps into the waiting coffin, surrounded by cheering costumed creatures.

Crises Avoided

Walking down the hill into the park, I see a large raft floating 50 yards off the beach. The people manning the raft seem to be having difficulties keeping their large red cylindrical things in place. I rush down to help.
I find Katie Hendrickson, Katie Dolan, and Andrew Oestrich struggling to get all of their waterproof percussion instruments back onto the raft in time for the show. It seems they were planning on having a floating drum corps competition, until the wind and wave height picked up.
I help tow the raft back ashore while chasing an errant timpani. We finally have collected all the drums and the raft is safely moored. The Katies and Andrew decide that we need more people to man the raft and help during the competition. They tell everyone on the beach to run out into the waves and fall over if they want to be selected. A good fifty people do so, resulting in large splashes and shouts of laughter. I am disappointed - I helped with the raft, I should get to be in the drum corps. I point this out to Andrew and the Katies agree. Relieved, I help them select the people who will be of most use on a red percussion raft.

Everyone has fled the park, and my sister and Arin Ewing and I are trying to find the cause. We walk past empty playgrounds and hotdog carts. We see something flitting through the trees. Frightened, we hide in an abandoned playhouse, but the monster can smell us. It enters as we exit the back way, and I catch sight of it. It is only a mountain lion! I am no longer afraid. I tell it to lay down right there in the playhouse, and it does. I scratch it on the head, but am still wary because if it gets temperamental. It seems to be happy and harmless, so I decide to disguise it so that no one is afraid. Running through my options, I skip past the viking costume as that would be just as frightening. I finally settle on a gauzy material that is draped over the head and strapped on, like a lampshade Bedouin.
We continue on, the threat to our welfare negated.