Again

This time my grandma comes over to our house for our birthday party (they are two days apart; we always celebrated together). She is still able to walk, although with some difficulty; the Parkinson's has begun to progress.
Again, I feel guilty for thinking she had been dead. Really, she has been alive this whole time and I haven't seen her since last April because I was too busy. This has made her very sad, and I feel so terrible, and horribly confused.